Hello my demons.

Lately I’ve seen A LOT of you. Actually, no. I haven’t seen you. I sensed you. Everywhere around me. When I closed my eyes, when I turned my back, when I ran away I felt your breath, I almost sensed your sticky fingers touching me…

I feared you. I disguised you. I bended for you. I let you pass and let you crawl all over me and…STOP.

Let’s start again.

Hello my demons. I changed my mind. It’s over now. It see you. And yes, you’re hella scary. But something’s different now as well. I’m scary too. And you fear me too.

I see you clearly now. Uncertainty, the doubts, loneliness, too many choices, loosing her, loosing him. Am I on the right path? Am I with the right ones? What is the aim? The time? Will I be able to lead? To grow? And to succeed?

I want to build. Everything. I wanna build my life. So far I’ve carried bricks from place to place. I’ve lingered in between. I want to build a house, a fortress in my heart. No no. Not a material one. The one where at least something or someone would mean me home. A little bit of stability, a little certainty and trust.

I also know that “Der Weg ist das Ziel.” And I like being on the road.  It’s challenging, exciting! It always brings me something new. Someone new. And man I love it. I love you. I only need some  strength. And inspiration. A smile from a stranger, a cute child running past. A baby duck. A morning coffee in the bed. A wild flower in my hair.

I wish to hold your hands, my demons.

Embrace and party with you. And then we won’t be afraid of each other anymore. We’re gonna feast. Each and every day where uncertainty and miracle collides. Where I would know what my path is… where I would  see what is worth fighting for… And where I would never have to take my pink sunglasses off. Not even at night.