Mountains or sea? Mountains?
Or sea? SEA? Or. MOUNTAINS?

What would you miss more? What would you like to see far more often??

1+1=11 : have there been many people in your life when math didn’t work? When your tandem would bring far more that you could expect?

My dad, my mum, my ‘lil” brother. And her and him and her again and him… Him. And her? Haha. And them! Now her again and them and then .. just me. Just me alone. For so long. And now again them. And her and them(!). Still him. But also him. And then.. Them as always.

I’m changing the concept of writing letters to spring. To myself I mean. To my never ending trust and hope of even nicer Spring to come. A blooming bursting flowering Spring, which would bring me and all the ones I care a warm warm hug from around the world. So that we would be the ones smiling…The ones who wouldn’t even notice grumpy trolley drivers or unhappy passenger sitting nearby. No. Even better! That we would smile to their faces and make – no, force them to smile too!

So that they’d get off the bus and think…“Wow. I feel so much better. “

That’s the spring I’m talking about. So that people we believe in wouldn’t disappoint. Or those, in whom we don’t believe anymore would do something extraordinary! Something warm and beautiful. Something to make me believe in pretty love again.

Yes, in LOVE. I’m always in love. And it scares. No, not me – the others. I’m in love with those who smile to me, with those who are nice to me. With those who try and make it. With the good. I’m in love with the beauty. I’m in love with life when it brings laughter and smiles. And dancing and friends. And all those pretty memories. All those tiny moments…When I felt invisible, when I didn’t feel alone and when somebody on my side felt invincible too.

Hah, I’m in love. And it’s really hard on me sometimes. As… there are not that many to love. They’re mostly far away. The others are just starting to light up  now. But it’s coming. I feel it coming. I mean, it has to come. Haha. My common sense is just too smart to let me be disappointed for longer than a week. C’mon. I’m not cursed. I went through so much to have what I have. I’ll do much more to earn some more!

  So… Ghm. Yes, Dating. Everybody does  that (at least here, in Zürich), but… Quite often they  feel ashamed! Why? Because, we cannot admit that we’re actually looking for someone, that we need somebody close, that we don’t really want to be alone.

So yeah. Dating. I am a dater  [it feels a bit like admitting that I’m an alcoholic] because.. Well, I don’t want to be alone! And neither does anyone else. However, it is now so hard to find a person who at least fits set standards ‘more or less’. I am not talking about a perfect match. Lost faith. Never happened once. [Well, once.. But feelings were involved.] How do you evoke feelings? It feels so long forgotten. And now speed dating feels like eating paper… You’re chewing something, but it has no taste. 

You go on dates and they’re all the same. Maybe faces differ and the topics you talk about… not so much actually. And there’s never anything.. inspiring? Like hell, it’s more entertaining to talk than to listen. 

And then suddenly you meet someone, who sparks a fire! And you think “damn, that’s cool”!! But as soon as you say it, the whole aura disappears. Like puff! Because… you just want to like him. You wish to like him so much that you don’t see, that… you don’t really like him. At all. Because [of course] he’s somehow weird. Ooops. Happens too often. Next!

I once already said: romance is overrated; physical kiss is nothing without it. Without what? Friendship! Bond. Something you’d share. But how. How does it happen? It’s impossible to force. It’s unexpected. Sometimes takes years to establish and mountains to cross… To share experiences, to do, to try. 

I talk a lot about being or not being afraid. Why so many people are? I’ll never understand. I mean, who knows?

So yep, you’re no different if you didn’t care. Not special at all if you did not put in some effort, or just… Whatever. You are no exception. Almost everyone is like that. And only if you had the guts to try, you might have became special. And the more you’d try, the bigger footprint you’d leave in someone else’s life.

“Awe you are stunning and funny as f***, you will find it where you least expect it.” Well. That was an actual compliment I got. Which even made my eyes water a bit. [I know, embarrassing, right?]

But look at us. What’s there impossible for us? Nothing. Exactly right. We’re laughing! And that what makes us pretty. Just that. And those are blind… who do not see it. Because I see it. In everyone who crosses my path and smiles at me. Yey.