Everything “comes with a price tag, baby face it”

I was so lucky this year but also so good at dissecting my heart

My family. My friends. So far. Only one Skype call away. But I cannot touch them, I cannot hold them, they cannot reach  me. 

My hometown. So far. The winds and the sea. The trees through the window. The language, I …know. The sea again. And the pavements. The bridge. This one “freckle haha. Pfuuu. Past again. 

Is that why I left? Parted my heart into two and left one peace behind. Far away from me now. Too far to feel. 

So I just kept the other half with me. The one just for me. And then… started cutting it to little pieces and giving away. Scattering around. Everywhere. Hoping that it’s gonna flourish and grow. 

But those pieces just keep getting lost. They grow somewhere though. Maybe in couple of other places. But they’re too far to actually stop my heart from shrinking. 

And now I cut one more piece. I cut. One more. Piece. A tiny one this time as there’s not much flesh left. I gave it away. 

I held it with my hands and childishly smiled while putting it in the hands of another. But it slipped and fell on the ground. Just this little piece.

Now what? I smile again. My heart’s actually TOO big to ever be cold. There’s too much inside. The heat and the love and the friendship. Desire for life.

I’m naive. I trust people and I only see good. I’m nice. And that’s nice. 

I don’t wanna change. I hope I won’t. I don’t want to loose trust, I don’t want to doubt, I don’t want to believe that life’s not supposed to be sunny. Because it is!

There’s just too little  people who feel the warmth… Too few  of those who “feel the rain…”

My Life’s  A Never Ending Party Of Sweat And  Glitter.
A melody of laughter and cries.
a constant search for perfection